The First Thanksgiving
by Willful Redhead
Summary: The boys spend their first Thanksgiving with Hannah, but the past threatens their happy futures.
1. Chapter 1

Hannah Moss McFadden stood under the powerful steaming water of the shower and tried to shake the feelings of congestion and weariness. She knew she was fighting a cold and that it was just a matter of time. The alphabet brothers, as she sometimes thought of her family, had been sick. C, D, E and G had all gotten better, but over the last ten days - A - G had all been sick - with the exception of F, who had a reputation for almost never getting sick. It appeared that H might soon follow.

She breathed the steam into her lungs, hoping it would do the trick. She had no time to be sick. It would be Thanksgiving in just a few days. Adam and Brain still felt somewhat horrible, and she had so much to do to be ready. She wanted to stay in the hot shower longer but knew that she had better get moving - besides the hot water wouldn't last all morning!

By the time Adam and Crane came in from early morning chores, she was starting breakfast and packing lunches. The coffee was steaming and Brian had crawled out of bed too.

"Thank God there's coffee." He said sitting slumped at the table.

"There's old lazy bones." Adam said stepping in the kitchen with Crane close behind.

"I'm very sick." Brian protested.

"This whole house is a giant box of germs." Crane said. "Only, Hannah here remains uninfected!"

"And Ford, but that boy has been sick three times in his whole life!" Brian said.

"Don't tempt fate!" Adam said kissing his wife. Her warm cheek felt good against his cold lips.

"I just hope it doesn't back around us." She said setting a plate of scrambled eggs on the table. "All we need is for everyone to get well, just in time to get sick all over again." She sighed, and turned back to the counter where she was making lunches for the younger brothers. "Adam, you should take it easy today. You still are sick." She said glancing over her shoulder at her husband.

"Nah, only wimps get sick. Me, I'm strong as an ox." He glanced at Brian.

"You mean stubborn as one." Brian said wryly.

"Har, har." Adam said. "Where's the pipsqueaks?"

"Crawling slowly out of their nests. Slow start this morning. I couldn't get Daniel moving for nothing." Crane said.

"Geez, Crane. That's particularly weak grammar for a college man." Adam said sipping his coffee.

"I only use fancy talk when I'm in town." Crane said. "The women like it, so I use it sparingly here amongst you uneducated cowfolk."

"Nice." Brian said. "I'm only _book_ uneducated - now, if you want to know something about women . . ."

"Talk to me." Hannah said interrupting and grinning at her brother-in-law, who shook his head at her.

"She's trouble." He said to Adam pointing a finger at Hannah.

"You have no idea!" Adam said with a grin one arm wrapped around Hannah's waist.

"You aren't gonna start kissing are ya? I just woke up!" Evan said staggering into the kitchen, followed closely by Ford who was hopping into his boot.

"I guess not. Now that the babies are up." Adam said. He reached out a hand and roughed his brother's hair. "You boys are late. Better put a hustle on. I won't be happy if you miss that bus. Where's Guthrie?"

"He crawled into my bed." Ford said. "He claims he was looking for a shoe, but he hasn't moved a muscle. I think he fell back asleep."

"I'll get him." Hannah said.

She found Guthrie sprawled out across Ford's bed sound asleep. She smiled at her little brother-in-law. He looked even younger asleep. She reached out and ran her hand through his hair.

"Guth. Guthrie." She said softly. "Time to wake up."

He opened his eyes. "Really?"

"'Fraid so, cowboy." She smiled at him, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Are you sure? I was hoping it was still night."

"Me too, but no luck for either of us." She smiled at him, and patted his cheek gently with her hand. "Get moving or you'll never make that bus." She rose and turned to leave the room.

"Alright." He said and rose reluctantly.

Hannah went down the hall and nearly ran smack into Daniel.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"You okay?" She asked him. Daniel's hair was a mess and he rubbed his face with his hand.

"Overslept. Tell me there's coffee." He looked up at his sister-in-law.

"There is but I don't think there's enough to do the trick." She grinned at him and patted the side of his face gently with her soft fingers.

"Probably not." He sighed and they went downstairs together.

"Did you get the baby out of bed?" Adam asked her with a grin.

"He's crawling this way now." She said.

"Hey, there Dan'l." Brian said with a smile as Daniel poured himself a cup of coffee. "You wrestle a bear this morning?"

"Just feels like it." Daniel said slumping into a chair.

"Well, good morning princess." Adam said with a laugh. "Hope you got your beauty sleep."

"Don't be mean." Hannah said.

"I like her." Daniel said winking at Hannah.

"Me too!" Adam said rising and putting his mug in the sink. "I'm serious fellas. You better catch that bus. That goes for you too, short stuff." He said looking up as Guthrie dragged himself into the room. "I know none of us are feeling any good, but there's only two days of school this week, so I'm pretty sure you can manage that."

He headed out with Brian, Daniel and Crane following close behind. Hannah followed them out onto the porch, but soon regretted it; it was so cold. Brian, Daniel and Crane continued on to the barn, ready to tackle a cold day's work, and get back to the warm house as soon as possible, but Adam hesitated.

"You're freezing. Go inside." He said to her.

"Don't over do it, Rancher Man." She told him as he wrapped his arms around her. "You aren't really well yet."

"Cowboys are never sick. We're too tough." He teased her.

"Too bull-headed, maybe." She said.

"What about you? You feeling alright?" He asked rubbing her arms to keep her warm.

"I'm better than you." She said with a grin. "Besides I got tons to do to be ready for Thanksgiving." He smiled at her.

"I know what I'm thankful for." He said giving her a kiss, but she pushed him away.

"I don't want your germs!" She said laughing. She turned to go back inside where it was warm.

"Don't you work too hard, girl!" He called to her as he crossed the yard. "See you this afternoon." He lifted his hand in a wave and disappeared into the barn.

She returned to a flurry of activity as her younger brothers-in-law raced to find backpacks, books, coats, gloves and lunches. They burst in and out of the room and til at last they exploded out of the house and down the road to catch the bus. Hannah sat down at the table with a sigh, her head was pounding and her throat ached.

_I do not have time to be sick_. She thought with a shake of her head.

Hannah spent her morning trying to finish up her secret projects. She wanted this first Thanksgiving with her new family to be special. She had spent many days planning, working and preparing. She had decided to make all the boys new shirts and had finished shirts for everyone except Adam. She hoped to finish his this morning. She was amazed to discover that of all the classes she'd taken in her life, the two that were proving to be the most useful to her were both classes she'd signed up for on a whim. First-aid and home economics had not been on the top her list back when she was in school but she wished she had paid better attention now.

She pulled out his half-finished shirt and set to work. She held the soft blue fabric in her fingers thinking how good he looked in blue. She hoped he liked it. She hoped they all did. It hadn't been easy but they had found a happy peace. She didn't feel like a stranger or an outsider like she had in those first few days. She felt that she was home; at long, long last.

She worked steadily and after a couple hours had finished the last tedious button hole. She smiled looking at Adam's new shirt and then remembering something she'd read in a book, she sewed a small square of lace inside the hem. It would be hidden unknown to everyone but him - and her; a small piece of soft lace from the collar of the dress she'd married him in. She blushed shyly imaging explaining it to him. She tucked his shirt in the back of the closet with the six others she had made.

That's when she found the box. It was labeled simply:

Mom and Dad

She hesitated, unsure, but her curiosity was overpowering. She pulled it down off the shelf and slowly pulled the lid off, peering inside.


	2. Chapter 2

"Geez, it is freezing!" Daniel said to Brian as they crossed the field.

"Quit whining." Brian said. "It doesn't make it any better." He paused to sneeze.

"Bless you." Daniel said. "You sure you are up to working?"

"Everyone is sick. If we all work together, I figure it will take less time. The sooner we get things settled, the sooner we can all be inside where it is warm. Thank God, it isn't calving time!"

"Are you two gonna stand around chatting, or work?" Adam called from where he sat atop Chief.

"Don't worry, _Dad_. We'll get to work." Daniel said irritated.

"I'd be working already but your youngster here, wanted to talk about _feelings_ and such." Brian said with a laugh.

"He's your youngster too. I think he learned all that crap from you, Bri. You did all the cooking and they don't call _you_ Dad." Adam raised an eyebrow at Brian, and chuckled. "Daniel, I'll expect you and your _mom_ here, at the upper pasture by noon." He pulled on the reigns and rode off before Brian could say anything else.

"You know what," Brian said angrily. "Hannah can have him!"

"What's a matter, you and dad fighting?" Daniel asked with a grin, but sprinted away and out of Brian's reach before his older brother could catch him.

***7***

By late afternoon, there was no way that Hannah could deny that she was sick. She felt terrible and tried to keep herself from coughing because once she started, she couldn't stop. She put together a roast for dinner - well, two roasts actually because that's what it took to keep everyone fed, and battled her way through some laundry before finally collapsing on the couch. She was laying on the couch still when the boys came home from school

"What's the matter?" Guthrie asked standing over her.

"Oh no!" Ford said. "She's sick too." He stood next to Guthrie and peered down at her. "Are you Hannah? Did you take any asprin or anything?"

"I did a couple hours ago. I'm fine fellas. I was just resting for a minute. Don't tell the older boys, I don't want them fussing." She sat up slowly. "It's three already? I must have dozed off. I better check that roast." She rose and went into the kitchen.

"I don't know." Evan said looking at his brothers.

"If it is anything like the rest of you had, she won't be able to hide it from them very long." Ford said.

"That's true." Guthrie said.

"Don't pester her, Guthrie." Evan said as Guthrie headed toward the kitchen.

"I'm not gonna pester her. I'm gonna get a snack and see if I can help her. Geez, I'm not a total idiot, you know."

"I _don't_ know." Evan said with a grin, and Ford laughed.

Both Ford and Guthrie helped Hannah not only with dinner, but with the laundry as well. She was surprised at how thoughtful and kind they were to her. Even though she felt terrible, it filled her with happiness that they cared about her and it gave her the encouragement she needed to keep working. By late afternoon, she had crossed most things off her list for the day, and was cheered that even sick, she'd been able to stay on track.

"It is freezing out there!" Crane said stepping into the kitchen. "I am so glad to be inside this warm kitchen, I could cry."

"There's a pot of coffee for ya." Hannah said with a smile.

"I _am_ gonna cry. Thank you! Thank you, Hannah!" He said and hugging her, he lifted her up off the ground as he kissed her cheek.

"Hey! Put her down! She's my girl!" Adam said as he entered the kitchen with Daniel and Brian close behind him. Brian and Daniel were both covered in mud.

"Wait! What happened? Never mind! Out! Get out of this clean kitchen!" Hannah ordered.

"Where are we supposed to go?" Brian asked.

"The screen porch and take off those muddy clothes! You aren't bringing all the mud into this house!" She stood with a hand on her hip glaring at them.

"I'm not streaking through this house. There's a woman living here now!" Brian said stubbornly.

"I'll go upstairs and hide in my room. I mean it boys! I just got this floor clean!"

"You better do as she says." Adam said laughing. "We all know she's got a wicked right hook. Come on, honey. Let's get you sequestered so the boys can strip." He took her by the hand and led her upstairs.

"Leave those muddy clothes on the porch. I'll deal with them later!" She said over her shoulder.

It wasn't until they were in their room with the door closed that she realized what she'd done.

"Oh, Adam! You don't think Brian will be mad at me? I was just so . . . I didn't want that mud everywhere. I think I was too bossy." She sat down on the bed.

"Don't worry about it. You were right. I would've told them the same if I had thought of it." He was laughing still. "Sides, it is your house, too."

"I don't want to be pushy. Brian barely tolerates me as it is." She said quietly.

"Oh, just give him time. He's like a grizzly on the surface but one day when you least expect it, you'll see how sweet he can be. He loves you darlin' he just hasn't realized it yet."

"I don't know about that." She said. Adam stood up suddenly.

"What the hell is that?" He asked pointing to the picture she had set on their dresser.

"Oh, I was going to ask you about that." She said. "I was organizing the closet and I found a box and I . . ."

"Did it have your name on it? Was your name on the box?" He said furiously.

"Well, no but I . . ." She responded confused.

"Well, then you shouldn't have opened it! It isn't yours, is it?" He reached for the picture and grabbing it he slammed it into their closet.

"Adam I just thought maybe you would . . ."

"Well, you thought wrong!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I thought it might be nice to have them out so that . . ."

"No. If I hadn't wanted it out. I would've put it out. Why don't you just mind your own damn business!" He turned and stormed out of the room and nearly ran into Crane.

"I was on my way up to give the all clear . . ." He looked at Adam's face which was a portrait of rage, and at Hannah's which was blurred by tears. "Hey, what's going on?"

"It's not your business. It is nobody's business but ours!" Adam fairly shouted and stomped down the stairs in fury. "You stay out of it, Crane."

Crane watched Adam storm down the steps and out the door, and then spun around to Hannah who had covered her face with her hand collapsing on the bed. Brian, stepped into the hallway a towel wrapped around his waist.

"What the hell's going on? Somebody slammed the door so hard a mirror fell off!" He saw Hannah crying, and turned to Crane. "What?"

"A fight, I guess." Crane said quietly. "You alright, Hannah?"

She nodded, but they could see it was a lie.

"It wasn't because of us, was it? I'm not mad you threw us out. I thought it was funny." Brian said stepping into the doorway. "You were right. We shouldn't make a mess. He's not mad about that is he?"

She shook her head.

"You wanna tell us about it?" Crane asked her.

"I'm not sure I should. I don't even understand what just happened. He was laughing then all of the sudden . . . " She sat on the bed sobbing.

"What's the matter?" Guthrie asked as he moved to the top of the stairs and saw Hannah. "Why is she crying?" His face grew white.

"It's alright, Guthrie. We got this." Crane said. "You and the boys go eat your supper. We'll be down later, okay. Give a holler when Adam comes in, okay?" He squeezed his younger brother's shoulder and felt a wave of love and thankfulness as he understood just how tightly connected to Hannah Guthrie had already become; A lost boy, home with his mother at last.

"Okay." He said and turned slowly. "You need me, Hannah. You give a yell."

She nodded her head, and drawing in a deep breath said softly. "I know I can count on you, Guth." He smiled at her, and then went downstairs.

Brian had disappeared into the bathroom and came back out wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He sat beside Hannah on the bed.

"Tell us what happened, honey." He said gently. "Adam's temper . . . it takes getting used to."

"I found a box in the closet today, and I opened it. He's right I shouldn't have. It wasn't mine, but I was curious. It had pictures of you all when you were young, and I thought it would be nice to set them out . . ."

"Oh." Crane said sinking into the armchair.

"That explains it then." Brian said.

"I know it wasn't my place. I'll apologize to him. I just thought . . ." Her voice faded as new tears fell. "I thought it would be nice for Guthrie and Ford. There aren't any pictures really, except that one of your mother in the office in the barn. The pictures in that box are so cute! I've never seen any of them from when Adam was small. I just thought . . ." She shook her head. "It wasn't my place."

"We'll I know I was adorable as a child. I could understand you wanting to look at me." Brian said trying to tease her into a smile. He sighed feeling sorry for her. Adam was a pretty complicated guy. "It isn't you, Hannah. You didn't do anything wrong. It's him. He's got trouble with this, and you know him. A temper is the easiest thing for him - it is the rest of how he feels that is hard."

"He won't look at any pictures. He hasn't since they died. He gets really upset if anyone even suggests it." Crane explained.

"Daniel and he got into it BIG TIME when Danny was about eleven. It is hard on everyone else, but he gets so . . ." Brian sighed looking at his sister-in-law's sad eyes and worried face. "You married your way into a mess, Mrs. McFadden." Crane, who had moved to stand beside her, rested a hand on her shoulder.

"He never had time to grieve." She said softly, understanding.

"No." Brian said. "He didn't."

"I stirred up a hornet's nest, then." She looked up at Brian with sad, dark eyes. "I didn't mean too. I'm just so happy to have a family at last. I've been alone for so long, and I thought it would be nice . . . but I should have asked him first."

"He should have reacted better." Crane said. "He's a grown man. He's not a boy."

"Not when it comes to this." She said. "When it comes to this, he's still seventeen."

They sat silently together, and then Brian surprised her by leaning over and kissing her right on the forehead.

"You understand things just fine." He said his voice strangely choked. "He gave himself about three hours to deal with it, and then he became the Grownup for us. You didn't do anything wrong - not one thing. He was wrong to yell at you, honey. I'll tell him so."

"No." She said sternly, but softening her tone, continued. "Thanks, Brian, but no. I'll manage it. I don't want you getting all mixed up in it. It's too easy for him to be angry with you too."

"That's for damn sure." Brian said with a smile.

"What do you think I should do?" She asked them. "How long will he be angry?"

"Adam's temper . . ." Crane began. "It can last awhile. I hate to think how much it'll hurt you."

"I'm tougher than I look." She grinned at them wiping away her tears. "Besides, Adam's temper is just covering up a very deep, and very old wound."

"Yeah." Crane agreed nodding his head.

"You're just gonna have to ride it out, Hannah. I'm sorry. If you need to have a good cry, or someone to give you a hug, you come to Crane and me." Brian said rising. "Or if you change your mind and want me to put him in his place . . ."

"Thanks." She said rising slowly. "I really appreciate it, fellas." She smiled up at them surprised that tears of thankfulness had clouded her vision.

"I know I haven't exactly acted like it, but I'm awfully glad you are here, Hannah." Brian said surprising both Hannah and Crane. "And not just for Adam's sake either. The way you take care of Guthrie and Ford . . . the way you take care of all of us. It's not just him, who needs you." He said and turned and left abruptly.

Crane reached out and squeezed her arm, raising an eyebrow. "You come and get us if you need us, okay, honey?" She nodded and smiled and he left her too.

She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose, and washed her face. She turned and lifted the box down out of the closet, and looked through the pictures it contained. She could easily spot Adam's bright, dark eyes even when he was just a tiny baby. She studied a picture of him - he looked to be about five. Brian stood beside him. They both wore shorts and t-shirts and cowboy boots. They held toy pistols which they aimed at the camera in a mock hold-up. He looked so happy. He looked so carefree. She sighed and closed up the box and put it back in the closet . . . for now.

***7***

She was laying in bed when he finally returned. It was late. She lay silent, waiting to see if he would speak to her.

"Sorry, I'm late." He said rolling away from her.

"I was worried." She said tentatively.

"Don't. I'm a grown man. I can manage."

"Yeah. I know." She said, turning her back to him.

"Hannah," He began but she could tell he was still frustrated and angry with her.

"I don't want to talk about it just now. Neither do you. You just think you should." She was surprised by how harsh her tone sounded even to her own ears.

"Fine." He said.

But it wasn't fine, she thought to herself. It wasn't fine at all.


	3. Chapter 3

In all recorded history, Hannah would remember that Tuesday before their first Thanksgiving as one of the worst days she'd ever lived through. Before she married, she hadn't minded being alone too badly, but now it felt like a death sentence. She and Adam had been tied tightly together since he'd stood outside her trailer, and proposed. Now, she felt completely cut off from him, leaving her sorrowful and anxious.

Adam rose early and went straight to work. He didn't say one single word to her. He simply turned away from her, and walked out their bedroom door. Her cold had become worse and she simply wanted to crawl back into bed and stay put. Worse, the projects she had hanging over her, to prepare for Thanksgiving, only reminded her what this week was supposed to be like; should have been like. She wished more than anything that she had never opened that box.

"Need help?" Guthrie asked her softly. It was afternoon and the boys were all home from school. The whole house was quiet - everyone seeming to sense the tension and sorrow she felt.

"You could help me pick some apples. I want fresh ones for the pie." She said wearily.

"Okay." He said.

She looked at her youngest brother-in-law. His eyes were sad. This was his first Thanksgiving week with her. So far, he was spending it worried and quiet. She didn't want him sad and worried just because she and Adam were fighting. It was moments like this that reminded her that marrying Adam was much more complicated than simply marrying _him_; she married his responsibilities too. Their fights impacted the whole house. She drew in a deep breath, steeling herself against her internal sorrow.

"Go get Evan and Ford." She said choosing to put a smile across her face. "Come on! It's nearly Thanksgiving! Let's have some fun. I'm sick of moping around here! Go get your brothers. We'll pick apples together!"

The four of them worked together, laughing and picking apples. It felt good to finally laugh, and she hoped that she could somehow convince her husband to set everything aside and enjoy the family too. Maybe, just maybe, by the time he got back from a hard day's work, he would have softened toward her a bit.

They were all sitting around the table peeling apples, and trying to see who could peel the longest piece, when the older brothers staggered in from the bitter cold.

"Well, lookee here. It's good to see you _women _are working hard, too." Daniel said teasing his younger brothers.

"Please! You couldn't peel an apple to save your life." Evan said to him.

"I could do it better than you and faster too." Daniel said.

"It's on!" Evan said.

Daniel sat beside Evan and grabbing an apple and a knife set to work. They were laughing over Daniel's defeat when Adam stepped into the kitchen. Hannah was sitting at the table, her back to the back door, when he came into the room, but she could feel it. The tension and darkness returning, as his younger brothers waited to see what his mood was like.

"You think racing with a knife in your hand's a good idea?" Adam said coldly, squashing all Hannah's hopes of a changed mood. "Seems dangerous to me." He passed through the room and continued upstairs.

"What a grump!" Daniel said as soon as Adam was out of earshot.

Hannah looked at the brothers' faces, and knew that waiting out his anger wasn't going to do the trick. She rose slowly and said lightly, "You boys better get those apples peeled! I'll be back later to check."

She climbed the stairs determined to set things straight. She was sick and she was tired, and she was exhausted from the tension. She found her husband sitting on their bed pulling off his boots.

"Adam . . ." She began closing the door behind her.

"Hannah, I don't think now is a good time." He said his voice stone cold.

"Too bad." She said and he looked up startled.

"Listen, girl . . ." He began but she interrupted.

"Don't you 'listen, girl' me! I appreciate that I upset you, and I _apologized _ for that. I agree. You are right. I should have asked you how you felt _before_ I put that picture up - which is what I was trying to do when you blew up at me by the way. I never said I was right and you were wrong and you're stomping around here in huff like . . . well, I don't know what."

"Hannah, you don't understand." He said.

"No, I understand perfectly. You seem to think I would deliberately harm you. You think I pulled those pictures out just to cause you pain. You think I would cause you grief on purpose. If that's true, maybe you and me should call it quits now. If you think I am the kind of person who would purposely cause you pain." She swallowed down tears knowing that this wasn't the moment to be weak.

"That's not what I'm thinking." He said frustrated but his voice was softer now.

"Then I don't know what you are thinking. You are angry with me, I get that. I get that loud and clear. And I am sorry I caused you grief. But hurting you was an accident, and accidents should be forgiven - but you are punishing me, and treating me . . ." Her eyes welled up with tears.

"Hannah," He said. "It isn't that. I just . . . I can't deal with those pictures. They are mine to do with as I see fit."

"They aren't just yours, Adam." She looked at him pointedly. "Evan, Ford and Guthrie - they have a right to them; all your brothers do. I was thinking of them; That's what I was thinking about when I put them out. I was thinking of Guthrie."

"It isn't your business to . . ." He said irritated.

"It isn't my business? You're dead wrong there. You _made_ it my business when you slid that ring on my finger. Your brothers are my business. I love them, Adam. I do. And they deserve to be able to look at a picture of themselves with their parents." She studied him with her brown eyes feeling an overwhelming sense of pity and sorrow for this deep wounding that haunted him still. "I understand how much pain that gives you, I do. I know it hurts you. But you are a parent and you know, better than me, that doing what's best for them is your first priority - even if it gives you grief." Her cheeks were pink with anger, and fever. She was exhausted and tired of feeling so alone. "Are you going to stand there and tell me that Guthrie doesn't deserve to see himself in his mother's arms?"

"No. I . . ." He sighed sinking down on their bed. He shook his head, and looking up at her said, "I don't think you would cause me pain, and how could you even talk about us calling it quits? I . . ." He stopped himself. She could see he was angry, hurt and struggling.

"I'm sorry I said that." She said gently. "You are . . ." She swallowed hard unable to continue. "I love you, Adam. I do. I'd never want you to think of me doing anything that doesn't honor that love. And the way you've been acting . . . it hurts me to think you could feel that way about me."

"Hannah," He said, his tone more gentle than it had been since the day before. "I can't . . . this is really hard for me to . . ." He sighed frustrated with himself.

"Listen, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm sick. I've been sick for the last two days, and I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm going to bed. You and your brothers figure out dinner. I just want to lay down and close my eyes and get some rest." Her voice choked over with tears. "I can't have you thinking I would . . .I just needed to say my piece. You think about it. I know it is hard for you to talk about, so you take some time and figure it out. I can't deal with it right now. I just couldn't lay down and close my eyes without making sure you understood." She sighed feeling sorry for him. She could tell he was overwhelmed with a million emotions all at once. "I understand it is hard for you. But you and me, we've gotta come to some sort of understanding because when we fight it isn't just us who suffers. You know that."

"Yeah, I know." He said quietly. He rose awkwardly and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground, unsure how to proceed. She nodded at him and grabbing her pajamas, well his pajamas actually, went down the hall to the bathroom. He watched her leave knowing he ought to say something to her, so that she knew he'd understood, but he said nothing.

He pulled his boots back on and went downstairs and out to the barn. He sat down at his father's desk in the small office, and stared into the eyes of his mother. The only picture he had out was this one; the one that had been left on his father's desk. He just hadn't been able to pack it away anymore than he'd been able to take down the wall calendar that still had 23rd circled with the words: _Guthrie's 2nd_ written in his father's hand.

He sighed and slouched in his father's chair. He was exhausted, but not just physically. He knew his anger at Hannah was unreasonable. He'd known it even as he blew up at her the day before. He shuddered now remembering the shocked hurt look in her wide brown eyes.

"Hey, there, partner." Brian said coming into the room.

"Listen, I'm not up for any lectures." He said, frustrated. His anger at himself spilling over and onto his brother.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind." Brian said shaking his head at him. "Actually, I just came out to let you know we got things covered so not to worry."

"Oh, well, thanks." He softened realizing that he had no reason to bite Brian's head off - especially when his brother was clearly trying to lighten the load for him.

"You okay, man?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, I guess." He leaned on his elbows, his head in his hands. He swept a hand across his face and sitting back looked up at his brother. "I'm starting to think I should've married someone a little more mild-mannered."

"No way." Brian shook his head. "You need her."

"You? You're saying that?" His eyes widened in surprise.

"You want some girl who's gonna kiss your ass, and buy the Adam-the-Saint crap? No way. That isn't what you need at all! And she's right, you know. She's right about the fight, and she's right about those pictures. You know she's right." Brian looked at him.

"Brian, don't . . ." He turned away frustrated.

"Don't what? Don't stick up for her? You are gonna tell _me_ not to stick up for her?" Brian raised his eyebrows at his older brother. "She's telling you the same things I've said for years."

Adam studied Brian thinking of all the times they argued about how to handle their brothers, their ranch, and themselves. He remember fighting with Daniel over the same damn box, and Brian trying and trying to get him to back down and be reasonable. He knew that Brian had given Daniel one of the photo albums and had him tuck it away in his room. He could still remember seeing Daniel so small, hunched over the photo album staring into the eyes of his parents. The memory pained Adam deeply. He looked up at Brian, recognizing that he _had _ been telling him the exact same thing Hannah was. He shook his head at him.

"Yeah, but she smells better." He said relenting. Brian smiled at him understanding that this was Adam's way of apologizing.

"I bet."

"She's a better kisser, too." Adam said grinning.

"I certainly hope so." Brian said. He leaned against the desk, and sighed. "You know I didn't want her here. Part of me still doesn't. I mean, what do you need me hanging around for?"

He raised his eyebrows at his brother finally daring to broach the subject he'd avoided since Adam had brought Hannah home. He studied his older brother thinking how much he did love him - despite his stubbornness, and his habit of blowing up unnecessarily. He had to admit it too, Adam needed Hannah. She was able to help him in ways that he never could. And to be honest, it was well past time for Adam to finally deal with some of that anger he'd carried around for the last decade.

"But she loves you, Adam. This much I know. That girl loves you. She loves you enough to say the things that make you angry. She loves you enough to make sure that you deal with the things you've been running from. You can't treat her like this. You can't. It isn't like yelling and screaming and stomping your foot at me. She's . . . that girl is special, Adam. She deserves better than this, and you know it."

"Yeah. My temper . . ." He looked away from Brian.

"Your temper is gonna crush that girl, if you don't start to manage what's underneath." He studied Adam closely. Adam met his eyes and they said nothing for a long minute until at last Adam broke the silence.

"Is this the part where I talk about you drinking and all those girls?" Adam asked raising an eyebrow at Brian.

"Nope. It's your turn today. We can deal with me later." He grinned at Adam. "I gotta feed the babies." He turned and walked out of the barn, but paused as Adam called out to him.

"I still need you, Brian." Adam said. "She doesn't change that."

"Yeah, I'm trying to see it." Brian said. "I wish to God, you'd married someone I could hate. It would make things a lot easier." He winked at Adam and left.

Adam stayed where he was. He felt too many emotions to even begin to unravel them. He knew Brian was right, and that Hannah was right too. He could remember back to sitting in the therapist office - the one the social worker had recommended for him and for Daniel. She had warned him of this. She had told him that if he didn't work things out, his temper would one day harm those he loved. She was right.

He glanced around his father's office thinking of all the times he'd been in this very room with his father. The two of them working and planning, and then later in that last year, he stood in this very room and told his father that he never wanted to be a rancher. Adam Senior, had taken it all in stride. He hadn't become angry or frustrated.

"_You are good at it, Adam. It comes naturally to you." His father had told him._

"_But it isn't how I want to spend my life. Working every single day from dawn to dusk to maybe, maybe, someday make a profit. I can't do that. I want more. I want to go to medical school. I want to be a doctor and help people." He said trying not to sound like he was whining._

"_I know that. You've told us. You'll do well at anything you set your hand to, son. I've no doubt of that. I was just hoping. I like having you here, and I'll miss you. You can't know how much." His father reached out and squeezed his shoulder._

"_Brian likes ranching. He'll be happy here. He hates school." Adam said._

"_I know that too. I've known that for a long time. Brian will be the one running Circle Bar M, and you'll visit us, and someday bring home a pretty little wife. You can show her all the hard work you used to do." His father grinned at him._

Adam often thought of that. He knew he had stolen Brian's spot. He had completely upset the balance of their brotherhood - well, that trucker who smashed into their parents is the one who had really done that. He understood why Brian felt like he did, and why bringing Hannah home had upset him so much. But those were all things beyond his power. He couldn't keep that truck on the right side of the white line any more than he could raise the dead. And one thing he was sure of was that he couldn't stop his heart from loving that fiery, dimpled, brown-haired powerhouse who was willing to dig in her heels and stand up to him - even when he bellowed and steamed at her. He sighed and glanced at the clock realizing suddenly that it was nearly midnight.

_Poor Hannah._ He thought. _I'd better set things right_. He would wait until the morning though. She was sick and needed her rest. He rose from his father's desk, and slowly walked up the steps of the porch. He passed through the front room where Guthrie and Brian slept, and expected Brian to be gone - as he frequently was, but Brian was asleep on the couch.

He headed to his room slowly, feeling the weight of the consequences of his anger, and his bad decisions.

"Night." Brian said softly from below, and he smiled thinking how grateful he was for his younger brother.

"'Night, Bri." He said. "Thanks." Understanding that Brian had stayed at home tonight waiting to make sure that he was okay filled his heart with warmth, in spite of all his troubles. It reminded him of all those times his parents had waited up to make sure he was home and safe. He opened the door to his room, and could see Hannah sleeping in a pool of moonlight, her eyes still red-rimmed from crying. He knew then there was only one way for him to be truly safe and home, but that would have to wait until the dawn.


	4. Chapter 4

By Wednesday, most everyone was feeling better. Guthrie finally was free of the nagging cough that had been driving him crazy since the week before. It looked like both Brian and Adam were finally well too. But something was still wrong.

Neither Hannah and Adam were talking very much, and Hannah sure didn't smile as much as she had been. Guthrie was worried. He had come to depend on Hannah, and if she and Adam ever . . . he couldn't go back to a life without her in the house. He thought back to just last week, when he'd been coughing and feverish and miserable, Hannah had sat beside him. She had fed him chicken soup and made sure he had books to read, and had even sung to him. If she were gone . . . he couldn't even think about it without getting really upset.

He sat at the breakfast table watching silently. Adam stepped around Hannah saying nothing, and not looking her in the eye. He looked like he was guilty, and had something he wanted to say. Guthrie sure hoped he did. The way he was acting now, upset Guthrie - it upset him a lot. Adam never touched her - not on the hand or shoulder or her back. Something was really wrong. Usually, he would walk into the kitchen in the morning and they'd be kissing. They were always kissing. He and his brothers would yell and hoot at them, but deep down, seeing them together and happy like that filled him with a strange sense of peace. He couldn't explain it. He felt better when they were happy.

"What's the matter, aren't you hungry?" Hannah asked resting her hand on his shoulder.

"I guess not." He said slouching and leaning on his elbow.

"You aren't getting sick again." She said, and he could hear all the congestion in her voice.

"No, but you sound terrible. Do you feel okay?" He asked her.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She said turning back to the stove. "You boys be sure and clean out your lockers and bring home your P.E. clothes - you don't want them sitting there until Monday."

"Yes, ma'am." Ford said laughing. "Better brace yourself though, I don't think Guthrie's brought his home for three weeks!"

"I think it is stupid to make us go in for a half day. What a waste of time!" Evan said.

"Maybe those dirty PE clothes will clear up this congestion." She said with a grin at Guthrie. "And don't worry, Evan there'll be plenty of time this afternoon to do all kinds of Thanksgiving chores!"

"Yeah, I'll expect you boys to get that windbreak fixed by supper time. Just because it is vacation doesn't mean you can slack off on chores." Adam said abruptly, harshly.

"Sure, Adam." Evan said looking at his older brother surprised by his tone. "You can count on us."

They walked out to the bus together through the grey, cold November morning.

"What the heck is going on?" Evan asked his brothers.

"They are fighting." Ford said.

"It's about some pictures." Guthrie said, and his brothers turned to him.

"You've been spying again." Ford said.

"I didn't mean too. They were loud, and Hannah was crying. I was worried."

"What pictures?" Evan asked.

"Of the family - when everyone was little. She found them, and took some out, and Adam got mad."

"I wonder where they are." Ford said. "I wonder if there are pictures of me. Do you think? Maybe me and Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, there are lots of pictures like that Ford. I've seen them." Evan said.

"Why haven't I seen them?" Ford asked upset.

"Adam doesn't like to see them. He gets upset, really, really upset." Evan explained.

"Why does he get so upset about pictures?" Guthrie asked.

"He just does." Evan sighed.

"I would like to see 'em." Guthrie said, his voice sad.

"I've got a picture of Mom. I keep it in my desk drawer, and Daniel's got a whole album that he keeps in his trunk. We'll show it to you later, okay?" Evan looked at his little brothers with compassion. He had some fairly strong memories of his parents, while Ford had just a few, and Guthrie couldn't remember them at all. It wasn't fair. They needed pictures.

***7***

Adam trudged out to the barn, feeling the slow tick of the clock. He was waiting for the boys to leave for the bus so he could double back to the house. He had wanted to talk with Hannah first thing but she had risen early and by the time he came in from chores, she was surrounded by his brothers. There was no way he was going to talk to her in front of them. She lived enough of her life with an audience. He had to wait. He glanced over his shoulder as he walked out, and watched his wife, sigh and felt a new wave of guilt and sorrow.

***7***

The boys had left for school, and the older brothers had all headed out to work. Adam hadn't even said goodbye to her when he'd left. She'd sat down where she was at the table and had a good cry for a few minutes, and then got to work. She wanted to finish the pies this morning, so she could focus on the side dishes this afternoon and then Thursday it would be all about the turkey. She had to be organized because keeping seven men fed was no small task. She sighed sadly swallowing down more tears. This wasn't how she'd pictured their first Thanksgiving together. She was filled with such sorrow, and wished she could travel backwards in time and stop herself from opening that box.

"Hey, don't cry." She heard his voice soft, and compassionate. She was startled to see Adam standing in the kitchen, his hat in his hand.

"I'm really sorry, Adam." She said looking up at him. "It wasn't my business. I thought I was being helpful, but it is your box. It is your family and your life. I should never have presumed . . ." She covered her face with her hands.

She heard him sigh, and heard the scrape of the chair across the floor as he sat down at the table beside her.

"No, I'm sorry. I was rude. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Hannah. It isn't just my life and my family. It's yours too. You were right about that. " He reached out and pulled her hand away from her face. "Hannah, stop crying."

"I hate feeling apart from you." She said softly.

"Me too." He said. "I can't . . ." He hesitated trying to keep his emotions in check. "I can't look at those pictures, Hannah. It is too . . .it hurts too much." He said softly.

"I can see that." She said looking into his eyes.

"You didn't know, and I'm not good at . . ." He swallowed hard. "I'm not good at talking, but you already knew that." She smiled sadly at him.

"I can see now how it must have felt for you." She hesitated unsure how far she could push him. "It was just . . .I don't have family - except for you and the boys. I've got no history really - not one worth remembering. Drunks don't pose for family photos. Those pictures, you are so cute and happy. I liked seeing you that way. I liked being connected to your past. I'm sorry I yelled at you last night. I just couldn't bear the thought that you would believe I'd hurt you."

"You don't have to worry over that. I know you, darlin'. I know you." He studied her eyes closely, and was filled with a fresh wave of guilt as she began to cry again.

"I just want to do right by you, and by your brothers. I love them so much, Adam. I want them to have everything - even those pictures."

Adam let go her hand and standing turned away from her, and she thought she'd pushed him too far and back to anger again. He said nothing, and it wasn't until she saw the shake of his shoulders that she realized he was crying. She went immediately to him then, wrapping her arms around him. He turned into her, burying his face in her shoulder.

"I miss them. I want them back." He said softly

"I'm so sorry, Adam." She said deeply grieved her arms tight around him. "I would never hurt you. Never."

"I know that, girl." He said swallowing down his tears and wiping his face. "I know that." He smiled at her. "I love you, and I'm sorry that I treated you so badly. Please forgive me. Please."

"Only if you forgive me, too." She said smiling at him. He nodded his head and she kissed him, hugging him to her, suddenly so happy and relieved. "I put them away, Adam. Now, isn't the time, but we can talk about it, can't we?"

"Yeah, we can. You are right about the boys. I did hear what you said last night. I'm gonna try really hard, for them, and for you. I'm sorry, Hannah. I love you." He said smiling and with tears still clinging to the corners of his eyes, he kissed her.

***7***

The house felt completely different when they returned from school; for one thing it smelled like pie. Guthrie ran into the kitchen just as Hannah was setting a pie on the table. The table was covered with eight different pies.

"It is heaven." Guthrie said smiling up at her, and Hannah laughed.

"They are for Thanksgiving so don't even think about it, Cowboy." She said to him.

"I love you, Hannah!" Evan said stepping into the kitchen his arms spread wide in a gesture of joy. "I'm not kidding. Ford, get a fork." He said to Ford as he stepped into the room.

"Hell with that, I'll use my hands." Ford said with a grin.

"No way, fellas. These are Thanksgiving pies. You'll have to wait 'til Thursday." Hannah said.

"Thursday!" Ford looked up at her with big blue eyes. "Please, Hannah! That's a million hours from now."

"Yeah, but I've got a pan of brownies in the oven, so you go get your chores done. They should be ready by the time you get back." She grinned at them.

They bolted out the back door, but Guthrie doubled back, he paused a minute soaking in the delicious warmth of home and studying Hannah's face.

"You're gonna stare a hole right through me, Guth. What is it?" She asked.

"It's better now. You are better now." He said.

"I hope so. I don't have time to be sick." She said.

"I didn't mean that cold." He said and she looked up at him startled that he could see so much.

"Yeah, it is better now. We worked it out. You don't have to worry, okay?" She reached out a hand and ran it through his hair, and he didn't duck away.

"I was worried. I wouldn't like it if you weren't here." He said softly. Her brown eyes grew big and she moved closer to him wrapping her arm around his shoulders. He didn't pull away from her.

"Oh, Guthrie! You don't ever have to worry about that. We made promises to each other in that church. Adam doesn't break promises, does he?" She asked him.

"No. Not the important ones." Guthrie said.

"Neither do I." She said with a smile. "You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, okay?" She smiled at him and he nodded his head. "Which might be a short one if you don't get out and help your brothers." She kissed his forehead, and he turned toward the stairs.

"I gotta get my parka! It's cold!" He ran through the house, but stopped at the bottom of the stairs and tiptoed back to spy on Hannah. She stood at the stove completely focused on the task at hand. Guthrie smiled and quietly ran up the stairs, only hesitating briefly just outside the door, before sneaking into Hannah and Adam's room.

***7***

"So, what you are saying is that there will be no pie, even though I am completely surrounded by pie." Brian said looking across the table at Hannah.

"That's what I'm saying." She explained. "However, there are still some brownies."

"I don't like chocolate." Brian said flatly. "I like pie."

"Well, then tomorrow will be a very good day for you." She said grinning at him over her coffee.

"Yeah," He said glancing away from her. "I don't like her, Adam. Weren't there any weak-willed girls in town?"

"None that didn't already know you." Adam said with a grin.

"Good point." Brian agreed and he reached over and gave Hannah's arm a squeeze. "I'll do my best to stay away from those pies, but you are an awfully good cook, and I sleep awfully close to the kitchen."

"I've been thinking about that." She said. "Why don't you sleep with Adam tonight, for old time's sake, and I'll stay down here and guard the pies?"

"Hell no!" Adam protested. "He snores, and doesn't smell half as nice as you!"

"I smell fine. You're the one who smells like cows. And Hannah can back me up on this one, you snore Adam! You snore BIG TIME!"

"Well . . ." Hannah began.

"Who gave you permission to talk?" Adam teased her, but she shook her head laughing until a coughing fit took over.

"Now, who's sick? Not you, Hannah! Fight it! You almost made it through unscathed." Crane said to her.

She took a long drink of water. "I'm alright."

Adam study her thoughtfully. "Why don't you go upstairs and rest. Me and the boys can manage these dishes. You don't need to do anything else tonight, do you? You got all day tomorrow and three extra sets of hands to help you."

"Well, I should . . ."

"It can wait, I'm sure of it." Adam told her. "Go on, you don't want to be so sick that you miss Thanksgiving altogether."

"I'll just take a little nap." She said rising. "I just need some rest."

"Sure, you go take a nap. We got this mess." Crane said watching her go, greatly relieved that she and Adam had made peace with each other.

***7***

She was groggy with sleep when he stormed into the room. It was dark and sitting up she clicked on the light. She felt a brief and momentary panic in the first few seconds, her heart hammering in her chest. She was disoriented and confused, afraid that her drunken father was coming to unleash his anger on her, but saw Adam's face in the light.

"You didn't even listen to me!" He said and he was angry. She felt frightened and confused.

"What? What are you talking about?" She asked him.

"What do you think? You figured, what? You'd just go ahead and hang it up, and ignore what I said! You don't even understand me, at all." His voice was bitter; broken.

"What are you talking about?" She raised her voice, frightened and furious.

"What's going on?" Brian asked standing in the doorway. "Good God, Adam! What's wrong with you? Stop yelling at her!" Brian stepped into the room, so that he stood between Adam and Hannah.

"Get out, Brian. This has nothing to do with you."

"The hell it doesn't! Damn it, Adam! Look at her! Look at her face! She's terrified!" Brian pointed at Hannah who was trembling with fear. "Your wife is terrified of _you."_ Brian gave Adam a shove. "Get out!" He pushed Adam out of the room and closed the door.

"What happened?" He asked sitting down beside her. "What did he do?"

"No, I just was asleep and he came in angry. I was startled. I'm okay, Brian. You don't have too . . ." But she couldn't stop shaking.

"You are not alright! What is the matter with him?" Brian asked her.

"I don't know. He's upset. You know how he can be when he's upset. It just startled me. I'm okay." She said.

"You sure?" He asked.

"I'm alright. It's okay. Thank you, Brian." She said meaning it. Even in this complicated moment where she felt so many things, she could recognize his kindness to her; his protectiveness.

"A brother has to stand up for his . . ." He paused. "You sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, let him back in, okay." She smiled up at Brian, wiping her tears away with a shaking hand.

"You sure?" Brian asked her.

"Yeah." She said. He rose and opened the door where Adam stood with his fists clenched.

"I didn't mean to scare her. I didn't mean to scare you, honey." He said peering around Brian who stood in the doorway. "I'm sorry." He glared at Brian who very slowly moved out of the way, but he didn't leave. He stood where he was in the doorway.

"What do you mean coming in here at her like that?" Brian asked.

"Do you mind, Brian? This is between me and her." Adam said.

"Nope. Not 'til I'm satisfied. She's still shaking." Brian pointed out. "Now, tell _us_ what's got you so angry, and rude, and heartless."

Adam shot Brian a cold glare and turned to Hannah. "We talked about this. I explained why I can't have them around."

"I know and I put them away." She said. "I do understand. Why are you so angry?" She asked crying.

"You hung one up in the hallway. It's right there in the hall." He said, his voice clipped and sharp.

"No, I didn't." She said.

"Then who did?" He asked. "I sure didn't."

"I did." Guthrie stood in the doorway looking small.

"Guthrie, they aren't . . . ." Adam began.

"They are mine. Those pictures are mine and Evan's and Ford's and Daniel's and Crane's and Brian's too. They belong to us, and I'd never seen them until today. They are _my_ parents Adam, even if I can't remember them. Mine." His voice was firm and Hannah reached for Adam's hand as he swallowed hard.

"I didn't mean to . . ." He began. "I can't . . ."

"It is different for Adam, Guth." Brian said gently putting an arm around his brother. "He had to take over. He had to be okay, so that he could take care of you and Evan and Ford, and Daniel and even Crane and Me. He was the only one who could do it. He didn't have time to cry and think about it, like the rest of us. It is harder for him. The rest of us had time to deal with it, and say goodbye. He didn't really have time for that."

"I know that." Guthrie said. "I know it is hard for him." He peered past Brian to Adam who now sat on the edge of the bed with his head down. "I know it is hard for you and I'm really sorry about that. But I still want those pictures - not locked away in a drawer, or closed up in a box. I want them out where we can see them." Guthrie stepped away from Brian and stood between his two brothers with his fists clenched.

Everyone had heard the fight and glancing over his shoulder, Brian could see all his brothers spilling into the room. Daniel stood just behind him in the doorway, and Crane and Evan stood just to his left. Ford came and stood just a half-step behind Guthrie.

"And they are hers too, Adam. She's family. _You_ said so, and you are right. She has a right to them too." Guthrie stood determined.

"Guthrie . . ." Adam said softly. Hannah had moved so that she was sitting beside Adam with one arm around him.

"Adam, you _know_ how I feel about you, but you are wrong about this. We need them - all of us. You need them too."

"No, I can't. It just reminds me, Guthrie. It reminds me too much of how things were, and it hurts me." He looked up at his little brother with pained eyes.

"It shouldn't." Ford said. "You should look at them and see how much they love you. How proud they are."

"Proud?" Adam said. "No, I was . . ."

"Still? After all this time, you still feel bad about that? Adam, you were seventeen! You know what a pill seventeen year olds can be! Remember me? Remember Daniel? It's part of becoming a man. Dad knew that. And what, you think he'd hold a grudge for eleven years just because you said you didn't want to be a rancher? He wasn't that kind of man. He wasn't mad at you then."

"But I should have told him . . ." Adam said looking up into his brothers faces. "There are so many things I should have told them."

"What did you tell me, man? Huh? Remember? I used to say all the time that I couldn't remember telling Mom I loved her that whole last year." Daniel said kneeling beside Adam. "What did you say to me?" Adam shook his head. "Say it, Adam. Say it out loud so you can hear it."

"That she knew. She knew you loved her." Adam said crying.

"That's right." Daniel said. "Because she was smart, and so was Dad. They were good people who knew you well. I bet they even knew that in the end you _would _ be a rancher. They were just letting you figure it out for yourself."

"I heard Mom tell Dad once to leave you be - that you needed to find your path." Crane said.

"I miss them." Adam said softly and his brothers nodded understanding.

"Yeah, partner." Brian said gently. "Of course you do, but maybe it is time to stop running and hiding from it. You need to open that box and really look at those pictures - not with guilty eyes, but really see."

Adam looked up at Brian. "Yeah, maybe."

"You told us all the time, every single day, how proud they are of us; how much they love us. Don't you believe it for yourself? You stepped up and acted like a man. You don't think Dad would be proud of that?" Crane asked him. "I have no doubt how he'd feel about you. There's not a man in this room who does - except you."

His brothers all nodded their agreement.

"Even I know it, Adam. You told me all about him - what kind of man he was. He'd be proud of you. I know it." Guthrie said firmly. "I know it because if it were me and you, that's how you'd feel about me. It is what a good _Dad_ does, and you are a good Dad just like him."

Adam dropped his head giving up all efforts to keep himself in control. He wept as his brothers surrounded him. They hugged him and kissed him, and whispered encouragements. No one even noticed when Hannah left the room, leaving The Brotherhood to their privacy and their memories.

***7***

He found her in the barn. She was sitting in his father's old leather chair, her legs tucked up under her wrapped up in his parka.

"Where'd you go?" He asked, but immediately felt stupid. Obviously she came out here.

"Oh, it was kind of a brother moment." She said softly. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed and leaned against his father's desk across from her. "What about you?"

"I'm alright." She said but he could see she wasn't really.

"I'm so sorry about coming at you like that." He said. "I never should have. . . I never meant to scare you and I'd never, ever . . ."

"I know that, Adam. It just startled me. I understand. You were really, really upset."

"Yeah, but that's no excuse. I . . . your eyes . . ." He slumped.

"When my father drank," She interrupted him. "I would go and hide in my closet in the dark. I usually fell asleep - because I was small, maybe four or five. And sometimes when he was, I don't know really drunk or really angry, he would burst in and drag me out. I'd be asleep and then there he'd be, looming over me, angry." She chewed the inside of her lip, and he sat down where he was on the ground overwhelmed with remorse.

"Oh, God, Hannah! I'm so sorry." He said looking up at her with tears in his eyes understanding why she had been so afraid.

"You didn't know, and mostly you were upset. I know Brian told you to stop yelling, but you weren't. Your voice was just harsh. You didn't raise it to me. And I was never, not even for a second afraid that you'd hurt me. It wasn't that at all. You were just hurt because you thought I'd betrayed you. I can see that, Adam. It was just . . .It felt really awful for just a few seconds there. It took me back a long ways."

"I am so sorry, Hannah. I'm so sorry. I never . . .I would never, ever hurt you." But even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true; he _had_ hurt her.

"I know that." She said wiping an escaping tear out of her eye. "You love me. I know that, Adam. It just startled me, and felt really, horribly familiar." She looked down at him. "Get up off the ground, Adam. Don't be . . ." She wiped more tears from her eyes. "Put your arms around me."

"Yes, ma'am." He said rising and climbing in beside her in the chair. She rested her head against his chest and sobbed.

"I'm okay." She told him. "I'm okay. I just need too . . ."

"Go ahead, honey. You don't have to explain it to me." He held her tight against him, wishing he could just once, face her father down and deal out justice - just once. He kissed her forehead, as she continued to sob.

"Hannah Joy, I am so sorry. I love you. I love you, girl." He whispered, and she held onto him even tighter.

***7***

It was nearly midnight by the time they went back inside the house. Hannah was wrapped in Adam's jacket and Brian could see they'd both been crying. Adam kept his arm around her tight, protectively. They were surprised to find all the brothers still awake.

"It's late. You boys ought to be in bed." Hannah said. "Some of you are still sick."

"We wanted to make sure you were alright." Daniel said. "We were worried."

"I'm fine." She said looking up at them all. She sat down on the couch and Adam sat beside her. "I just wanted you boys to have some time to yourselves."

"You didn't have to." Daniel said. "You are one of us."

"Yeah, we voted you honorary brother a long time ago." Crane said. "It was unanimous."

"Even _Brian_ voted you in!" Evan said with a grin.

Hannah smiled and Adam kissed her forehead. "See Girl, I told you."

"Thanks fellas." She smiled at them, and then looking down could see the box of pictures sitting on the coffee table. "I'm proud to join The Brotherhood."

"The Brotherhood?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, that's what I call you inside my head." She smiled shyly. "You boys, you are The Brotherhood."

"I like it." Daniel said. "That sounds right."

"Well, I think it is high time The Brotherhood was in bed! It is late, and no milk cow will ever understand enough to let us sleep in! Brian, you are in charge of breakfast in the morning. I want Guthrie, Ford and Hannah to sleep in, so the rest of you better cover their chores."

"Adam, don't baby me." Hannah said. "I can . . ."

"Rule number one of The Brotherhood is that Adam's the boss." Crane told her with a grin.

"Yeah, that's true." Guthrie said laughing. "Better do as he says, Hannah."

She laughed and reaching out hugged Guthrie to her. "Alright, then. Everyone in bed!" She said. They are dispersed to their rooms with choruses of "Good night!" Adam and Hannah climbed the stairs together, but she paused on the landing looking down at where Guthrie and Brian slept, and behind her down the hall to where the rest of the brothers were turning in to their rooms.

She sighed and smiled up into Adam's face, as he leaned down and kissed her. "Come on."

She paused one second more, and called down, "Don't even think about those pies, Brian. I got a wicked temper and you do _not_ want to tangle with me!

"What about brother solidarity? I voted you in, and this is how you say thanks?" He laughed in the darkness. "I'm changing my vote."

"Too late." She said with a grin and followed Adam into the room. She climbed into bed suddenly weary. "I think we've had enough drama for ten years today."

"Go to sleep." He said. "You feel warm." He said putting a light hand on her forehead. "Oh, hell! I forgot you were feeling sick! You were out in that cold barn! That's it! You get up early and I'll . . ."

"What?" She asked laughing. "You gonna ground me?"

"I'll think of something." He said.

"They may have voted me in, Adam. But I ain't _your_ brother!"

"Clearly not. No brother of mine would use that kind of grammar!" Adam said pulling her close to him.

She lay in his arms content to be at home, with her husband and_ her_ brothers. She drifted to sleep and dreamed she was running through a field towards the lighted-windows of home, and when she finally reached the porch, her whole family waited for her with open arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanksgiving morning was crisp and cold, and Hannah was up early, despite Adam's warnings, to put the turkey in the oven. She had never cooked a turkey this big, and remembered last Thanksgiving, which she had spent, alone at a Denny's. She'd been so depressed that she'd left without even eating, and on her way home, had passed a shelter. She spent the rest of the evening serving food to the homeless, and decided unless she had a family, that would be how she would spend the holidays from now on. It was easier to be thankful when you weren't focused on your own troubles and your own lonesomeness.

Now, she was surrounded. Her life had been hijacked by seven men. She hummed as she worked and looked so forward to sitting down at the long, and crowded table with her brothers. She couldn't wait to watch them dig into those pies she had made them. She loved watching them gleefully consume the food she made for them.

She fought her way through a coughing fit. Resting her head on the table when it was over.

"You sound healthy." Crane said stepping into the kitchen.

"I've felt better." She admitted.

"Maybe you should stay in bed." He said.

"It's Thanksgiving!" She told him. "It's our first Thanksgiving together." She grinned at him.

"You are such a girl." Crane said shaking his head.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." She smiled, and he turned and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"What are the McFadden Thanksgiving traditions?" She asked as he set a cup in front of her.

"Well, let's see. Brian burns the turkey and then there's the traditional Thanksgiving cursing. It's quite a display - Brian's really perfected it over the years. Then we have the grumblings: This turkey is dry; why'd you cook it so long; I told you; you never listen. That's followed by Adam's traditional Thanksgiving Lecture/Sermon: "Brothers should be grateful. Brothers are all you got. Brian works hard. Shut your mouths and eat." You know, very traditional stuff." Crane grinned at her.

"Sounds just like a Hallmark card." She said.

"Oh, but it gets better. After dinner is the traditional football game." He told her.

"That sounds very American."

"Well, there's just one thing . . . the football game is generally played inside the house. We put away all the breakables and have at it."

"This is a newer tradition - this one was not started by the original Adam McFadden." She said.

"Well, he wasn't opposed to it. It was Kate McFadden who had the problem with it - so we never played indoor Thanksgiving football until we became sad little orphans." He made his face pathetic.

"It's in my nature to side with Kate on this one." She told him. "Although that 'sad, little orphan' thing is a good try."

"Good morning!" Adam and Brian came trooping in. "It is freezing out there. The milk froze in the bucket!" Adam said.

"Thank God for hot coffee!" Brian said pouring himself a cup. "I'm making traditional Thanksgiving pancakes, Hannah. You just sit back and enjoy the morning." He moved closer to one of the pies.

"Get away from that pie, Brian!"

"It's Thanksgiving, Hannah. You said they were for Thanksgiving." He smiled at her.

"Well, I suppose you have a point. We could sacrifice ONE for breakfast - just one." She grinned at him, as he leapt up and grabbed a pie, a fork in his hand.

"I like her, Adam. I mean it. I really, really like her!" He told his brother.

***7***

Thanksgiving was filled with traditions old and new. She handed out their new shirts, and laughed at their surprise.

"It isn't Christmas!" Daniel said.

"No, but I'm thankful for all of you." She said. "And I wanted to do something to show it."

"Thank you!" They said, and she watched Adam's eyes shine with pride.

They ate turkey, which was declared the best they'd ever had and feasted on pies. It was nearly eight o'clock when they began pushing the couches and tables out of the way for the traditional indoor football game. She braced herself trying to decided if it would be better to wait it out upstairs than watch the violence unfold in the livingroom. But instead of breaking out the football, Daniel lifted his guitar, and Ford his fiddle. She looked up surprised, as Adam held a hand out to her.

"I thought the tradition was football?" She asked confused.

"Some traditions change over time." Adam said with a grin, pulling her to him. They danced together as the Brotherhood played and sang. She rested her head against Adam's shoulder and felt sudden tears spring to her eyes, but then Brian cut in, and she danced with him.

"You're a good dancer." She told him.

"Well, now you know who taught Adam." He grinned. "Thanks for making such a good dinner." He smiled at her. "I could never keep that turkey from getting dry."

"I cook it upside down." She told him.

"What?"

"It happened on accident the first time, but it was so juicy. You got to flip it at the end or it won't get brown, but if you cook it upside all the juice runs into the meat."

"You are brilliant!" He said with a grin.

"Next year, you can make it. We'll surprise them all." She said.

"That's a deal, Sis." He said and kissed her cheek, just as Crane cut in, to dance with her too.

They danced until the stars appeared and then ate some more and sang. Everyone of her brother's danced with her; even shy Ford, and clumsy Guthrie. She was overwhelmed with happiness and contentment.

Later that night, they'd each sat down with her and showed her which picture of their family was their favorite. Each one, had a story to tell, and by the time she'd heard from her six brothers, it was late. They all crawled towards bed, but slowly reluctant to let the evening end. She climbed the stairs and crawled into bed, exhausted. Adam had gone out to check and make sure the lemon trees were covered to protect them from the frost, and he came in later bringing an icy chill with him.

"Brr!" She said. "I can feel the cold on your shirt."

"Good, maybe you won't steal it from me." He grinned at her.

He disappeared into the closet and came back holding a small photo album.

"I didn't show you my favorite." He said softly, and she sat up. Reaching out, she rested her hand against the side of his face, smiling up into his eyes. He leaned forward kissing her, and then turned his attention to the book, sitting down next to her the pictures between them.

They flipped slowly through the small album, until he stopped on a picture of a tall man wearing a white hat holding a baby in his arms. A beautiful red-haired woman stood beside him. The man was looking at the child in his arms, a grin on his face revealing dimples, and the woman smiled up at the man, a look of love on her face. Only the baby faced the camera, his bright dark eyes outshining the grin on his tiny face.

She pulled the picture out of the album. "Oh, Adam! This is my favorite! This one."

"Mine too." He said. "It sort sums up that piece of my life."

"I'd like to put it up where we can see it." She said softly. "If that's alright with you."

"Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe we can get it made bigger." He sighed running his finger along the picture. "They were good people. You would've liked them, and they would've loved you so. It makes me sad to think they'll never know you." He looked down at her.

"I feel like I know them. And it is nice now, to have a picture too. You look like him, Adam. His smile - you smile the same."

"I try to be like him. I try really hard. He was such a good and patient man. He was so loving too. You'd think, a man like him would be a tough guy, and he was, but he was so sweet too - especially when it came to our Mama - especially when it came to the babies."

"You just described yourself." She said.

"Oh, I don't know about that." He blushed embarrassed.

"I do." She said. "Your brothers are right, Adam. He would be so proud. He is proud. They both are."

"Thank you, Hannah for today, and for being patient with me. I'm still sorry about . . ."

"Oh, that's over and done. Let it go." She said setting the photo album aside and propping the picture up on the nightstand beside her.

"I know. I'm really thankful for you. You can't know how much . . .I never thought . . ."

"I'm thankful too, and not just for you. I'm thankful for all these brothers you thought would scare me off. I love all of them, I do - even Brian - maybe especially Brian. Having a family is the one thing I wanted more than anything. This time last year, I was standing all alone handing out food at a soup kitchen. I am thankful too, Adam. You can't know how much."

Later, she slept contented in the circle of his arms, but he laying awaking gazing at the picture she had propped up on the night stand. He could see his father's face gazing on the baby in his arms. He could see the look of love on his mother's face as she watched both of them together. His own happy, contented smile; a baby loved completely. He could even see the slight curve on his mother's stomach where his first brother slept, waiting to be born - his strongest supporter for all the difficult days that followed this picture.

The moon shed its silvery light over the golden brown hills that surrounded this ranch. It shone on the old oak planted high on a hill by his great grandfather. It poured it's light over the rose bushes they'd planted as boys in memory of their mother. It illuminated the faces of his brothers who slept tucked into their beds warm, and safe; loved - the orphans who were not really ever orphaned. It spread a beautiful shimmery glow on the face of his wife who slept peacefully in his arms. He kissed her cheek and she smiled briefly, joyful even in sleep.

He closed his eyes, but he did not dream. All his dreams had already come true.

***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7*** ***7***

Happy Thanksgiving to All -

Orphans and Brothers Alike


End file.
